Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
