you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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