I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
