So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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