You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
