You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
