Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
