Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
