just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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