like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
