I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
