I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
