I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
