I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
