True but thats because hes a fetus.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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