It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
