I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
