I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
