i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
