Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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