dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
