Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
