yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
