i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
