there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
