Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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