We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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