I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
