i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
