Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
