I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
