That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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