I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
As shirtless as possible
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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