it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
