Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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