it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
