I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
