i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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