Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
