to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I still have a little drunk in my system
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
