Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
