I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
handjob tips. give me some.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize