im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
