none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize