we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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