he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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