I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
