I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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