Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
