Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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