WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
