Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
