I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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