Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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