the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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