How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize