I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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