Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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