I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
