We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
