And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
