my phone needs a breathalizer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
3 2 1 whiskey
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
