I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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