Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
