Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
