Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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