I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
