I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
