but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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