idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
