Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
